Life’s a funny old thing isn’t it, the trials and tribulations that we go through. The ups and downs, the left’s and the rights.
But where are we within this whirlwind of life? Sometimes, we have no idea where we are. We feel lost in this abys of media confusion, peer or professional advice coming at all angles, do this and do that, follow my advice, no, follow mine.
We’re pulled from pillar to post, not knowing which way to turn and then at the end of the day, it’s just us again, just us and we’re lost. Drowning in unachieved goals, sinking in failure, socking in the feeling that we just didn’t do this life thing right yet again, and another year has passed by and what have we achieved?
Maybe you’ve done loads, maybe you’re a hard-core goal setter, maybe you’re the one up at 5am in the morning, running 5 miles, sat at your desk and smashing your goals by 7am. Unfortunately, or not-unfortunately as the case may be, that’s not me and the same goes for many others too.
I have to admit and I am one for admitting my ‘wrong-doings’ by the way, I get a sense of sharing and community when I tell people how many mistakes I’ve made. Others then feel free to join in too and we have a jolly good con-flab about who’s lost the most money following their dreams, who’s had the most relationship breakdowns, and who’s business failed first.
I have spent years following people who talk about achieving goals and if you aren’t following goals you’re somehow failing. Somehow, you’re a disappointment, a let-down, lazy and unmotivated yet you find this makes you even more un-motivated.
But, what if you’re not unmotivated, what if you’re just learning right now, and that goal isn’t quite ready for you yet, what if in five or even ten years time you find that you do have a goal but you just had to realise what it was.
I honestly thought that being a millionaire was what I wanted, the huge house, the Porsche, the 90 holidays each year the designer clothes, and for a long time I fought with myself, ‘why couldn’t I reach and achieve what I’d set for myself?’ Why was I not achieving my goals? I was such a loser, no hoper, all the childhood fears I had were coming true.
Then it all became clear and all via sheer disappointment, this dream house that I was going to buy since 2017, sold. I gasped so hard I nearly swallowed my tongue.
Who on earth had bought my dream home, it was on my vision board and everything, furious I was. Well, obviously, I’d not being doing this law of attraction thing right, I’d tainted my whole future because I didn’t grab my goals by the nads and achieve them.
But then it became clear, I had an overwhelming sense of contentment, and all in one foul swoop my future dream was smashed into a million pieces but my heart grew with gratitude by a billion pieces.
Goals aren’t what you think they should be to please other people, they should be what makes you feel content. I started to look around at my life and had an tremendous gratitude for what I already had. My child, my partner, my home which is warm and has heating, running taps, space, love, friends, family. Oh, ok, I finally see, this is why I didn’t smash those ‘goals,’ because it’s not what I truly wanted, I felt a sense of relief when the house sold. I didn’t want that massive house with massive bills and a massive mortgage, I want my family, my friends and time with them to cook, drink, laugh. I realised it's okay to be where we are, it's ok not to have massive goals, it's ok not to be working myself silly. I finally saw I was ok to be where I was and I didn't have to have these massive goals.
When I die what will I have wanted out of my life? How will I want to be remembered by those I love? I want to be known as grateful, as present, kind and caring. I want my son to have had time with me, I want to have helped my clients re-gain their life back after mental un-wellness, I want to have family and friendships that really mattered.
I didn’t want to be busy, run off my feet to pay the bills. I’d never look back on my life, laying on my death bed and think for a second that was the right thing for me to do.
When I was trying to achieve those goals but falling flat, I wasn’t present, I was in my future, trying to smash the goals I thought I should have, I often forgot to live in the here and now.
So, now I see my gentle goal clearly (I really dislike the word goal, it makes me feel rather stressed), my blessing is to be here, right here in each moment. My ultimate blessing is not to miss out on this life thing, what-ever it is. This weird whirl wind that we get so deeply lost in, but, to allow myself to be lost and then found again as many times as it takes, without the self-punishment.
Whatever your goal, blessing, aim is or if you’re still waiting to find it out, you’ll be great, be kind to yourself, go gentle and understand that it’s all ok and whatever you really deeply want in life is within you and achievable, just make sure it’s what you really want from the heart, maybe you’ll find out that you already have it.