As it's baby loss awareness week I wanted to share this again. I wrote it 2 years ago to say thank you and to raise awareness that you don't have to be alone.
As you may know I lost my daughter in December 2013. As I was searching for someone that could talk to me I came across a group of ladies on a social media site. One of the girls was inviting other ladies to a private pregnancy after loss group. I asked if I could join and was welcomed with open arms.
When I joined I thought some of these names were really quite funny, I was pretty boring Charlotti, but some of the ladies on the group had more exciting and mysterious names like Happyandhopeful, Animaule, Chalky, Bob, cocolocolady, Analambchop, Babyouch, Dexter, LouLou4444, GW80 I really could go on for hours.
So there I was, a bit scared I must admit, I’d heard lots of weird things about talking to people online. I didn’t want to share too much in case they were a bunch of weirdos.
It seemed a nice group though and we all had something in common, we’d all lost a baby, no matter what gestation the baby was, our babies mattered.
We had another thing in common, we were all scared senseless that the babies we were carrying wouldn’t make it. Unfortunately some of the babies didn’t and sadly some of the ladies left the group. Each and every baby loss was heart breaking and it always brought us back home to ‘what if’.
I found over time that I needed these ladies, we spoke every day, several times. We could express our fears and apprehensively share our hopes and dreams with each other. In time, these ladies became my friends. We moved our friendships over to a group elsewhere, where for the first time in months we found out each others real names and we could then put a face to the person and user name we had been speaking to.
We went through a lot together, every time one of us had a scan we rallied around wishing luck and checking in a million times to see if there was an update. Consultant appointments, midwife appointments etc, but one thing that never tired was the support from the ladies. No matter how low you felt or how often you needed some support, there was always someone to talk to and someone to offer you the words you needed, even if the words were simply “we’re here for you’ and ‘one day at a time.’
We would get excited for each other when something wonderful happened like reaching milestones, negative harmony results, learning the baby was healthy and well after a scan. After good news we would often chat about baby names and we all loved that so much. We could talk about names until the cows came home.
To keep us going and distracted from the reality of our situations one of the ladies had an idea to introduced ‘Cake Saturday’ which meant that every Saturday we had to eat cake and take a photograph of it and post it on the group. It did my weight no good especially as the cake seemed to accidentally spread into the week as well.
Then we introduced ‘Purchase Tuesday’ which meant if we bought something that week then we’d show each other what we’d bought on a Tuesday. In fact my partner asked me if the ladies all said they were going to inject crack into their eyeballs on a Thursday wou